The most annoying stigma that I hate with a passion, and I hear it from every pen pal I’ve talked to, is that all inmates are con men and are only on websites to find women to take care of them while their locked up. Secondly, another stigma is that all inmates are selfish and care only for their own well-being. So, let’s address this stigma so you can have a better understanding about prison culture and inmates as individuals.
First, prison is its own society, it has its own rules, guidelines, and by laws. That being said, prison culture’s main function is one’s own survival. So, in a sense we do in some way or fashion become selfish because we want to be able to look out for ourselves. No one wants to be a liability while incarcerated, you are only asking for trouble. Now, let’s break down the word “SELFISH” its phraseology is expressed as an adjective and defined as (concerned mainly with your own needs and wishes). Now let’s look at an important word in this definition, “mainly”. This word is expressed in many ways, here are a few examples “for the most part, chiefly, to a large extent, predominantly, principally, or primarily.” So, I believe it’s safe to say that we as people are selfish in some way or another. This characteristic is only exhibited by incarcerated individuals only. There are many ways of being selfish in prison, take me for example. I am very selfish with my time. I don’t entertain idiots, negative individuals, people who have no goals, etc. I’m also selfish when it comes to my vulnerability with others. I can’t just open up to anyone because there are people that will use that against you. So those are just a couple examples about the many things we can be selfish about. But what makes it hard is that there are those inmates that do use this prison culture as a crutch to get over on those outside these walls. Even so, it is not fair to bunch us as a collective that we all are doing it.
Again, I’ll use myself to make my point. Not too long ago a woman hit me up from a pen pal site, as all new companionship start with the same song and dance. The feel out moments where you are conversing to see if you are compatible. So immediately I let her know that if she would like to continue our dance, she would have to cover the stamps and I’ll cover the phone cost if it comes to that. I explained that the stamps that I already. have are for my books that I write and send out to be published. Immediately, she goes in on me telling me that I’m trying to use her for her money, I’m a con artist, and all the above. Granted, I laughed it off because I know she is only saying this because she’s been hurt by someone somewhere outside of prison and in prison. Instead of going at her like I wanted to, I simply stated the obvious and let her do her own fact check. My first point I made was letting her know that I’m an Author and I write books as a career hobby, and I told her to look me up on Amazon. Secondly, I own my own Publishing Company, Artist Studio, and Gaming Company, I don’t need to take anything from anyone when I can make it myself. I make a pretty penny to meet my needs and take care of myself, so the stamps I have are from me and I use them for business only. Thirdly, I use this time to bring an understanding to her closed mindset. I reserve my right for anyone who wishes to communicate socially with me to cover any stamp cost because you are breaking your daily routine in life to contact me. I would like to not waste any stamps that I could use towards my books, on social conversation that may not go anywhere. I do this to weed out anybody that’s on bull, but if you’re about getting to know me or have any type of relationship with me. It’s nothing to cover such a small cost and the fact that I said I will cover the phone cost shows that I am willing to cover an expense for someone I’m willing to pursue something with.
So, to clear the air about this stigma. Not at all inmates are after your money or trying to con you in some way or fashion. Some of us are mature grown men that know how to take care of ourselves. If I ever need help, I will never hesitate to ask because those that know me well, know that I fully repay those that help me in any situation. That’s how you build positive reports. In parting, there is nothing wrong with being guarded or reserved when dealing with new people you are attempting to get to know. But to write off people as a whole because you had a bad experience is foolish. You are dealing with people individually every day, one bad apple doesn’t spoil the bunch.
In final, let’s please practice better thinking habits and not settle for lazy thinking. Because it’s easy to write people off as a whole but it takes a person of strong character to overlook what’s been done to them and still see people as human, no matter where they are. -T.K.
