Engaging in prison correspondence and establishing a connection with a prison pen-pal can provide prisoners with a sense of belonging – something many have been without for years. They might even develop trust in you if they feel safe enough to be themselves and express their inner most feelings. This opportunity can create strong friendships that can continue on after their release from prison and lead to prisoners becoming motivated to live a more productive and positive life during their incarceration.
In general, prison correspondence educates, empowers, reconnects, and opens the minds of the people on both sides of the fence as they’ll experience new connections, opportunities, and possibilities together. Prisoners are people too, and I know you might find that hard to believe right now or difficult to relate to them, but before their incarceration these men and women led regular lives. Becoming a pen-pal can help you learn what drove them to breaking the law, significantly changing the lives around them, as well as their own.
For those of you who have never been a pen-pal, the idea can be understandably nerve wrecking! So, below is our guide with tips and advice for those who are considering engaging in prison correspondence for their first time! We at PrisonBaes LLC hope you find it to be helpful.
Tips and Advice:
#1 – Research Your Potential Prison Pen-Pal(s) Criminal History:
It may seem obvious, but before reaching out to a prisoner you should A L W A Y S find out the reason why he or she is currently in prison and if they have been to prison before. This can be done through a simple criminal background check. Your potential pen-pal(s) may have committed a crime that you find particularly inexcusable, such as a sex offense or a violent crime against a woman or child. In which case you are perhaps better looking for another pen-pal whose crimes you are more comfortable with.
For information on how to do an extensive search visit or blog entry titled ‘CAUTION: Do you know who you are talking to?’. We made the link to the entry available right on our homepage!
#2 – Set Boundaries:
Make sure your pen-pal(s) understand what you are comfortable with discussing and doing. If your pen-pal(s) happen to bring up a topic or ask questions that you’re not comfortable with answering nor discussing then politely state that you do not want to talk about it at this time – or ever.
#3 – Set Expectations:
Examples – The lengths of letters/emails and how often they are written vary from person to person. So, what if you’re the type of pen-pal that prefers to handwritten letters over emails? What if you’re someone who writes short emails daily, every other day, or even weekly and your prison pen-pal(s) write longer, in-depth letters/emails monthly or every other month? Will this be the idea? Addressing such topics will help you guys in knowing what to expect from one another.
#4 – Make Intentions Known:
Make sure the reason for why you’re deciding to reach out is clear. If you’re reaching out to strictly be a pen-pal, help with their legal battles, looking for something more personal or whatever else then make sure that it’s stated and understood. It’s equally important to ask your pen-pal(s) what their reasons are for becoming a prison pen-pal as well. What he or she may be looking for may not be what you are.
#5 – Be Yourself:
You being unapologetically you can create trust and encourage your prison pen-pal(s) to be vulnerable enough to remove their masks and share with you their true feelings, personalities, and self. Freeing them from the mindset that they must be tough 24\7 – as is the custom in prison. Your willingness to be yourself may result in them feeling safe or comfortable to not only confide in you, but allow you to be there for them in meaningful ways. Such as helping them navigate the difficult challenges and realities within prison.
#6 – Encourage Conversation:
In your letters and/or emails to your prison pen-pal(s) make sure to share some of your interesting stories and definitely ask questions. However, don’t just write a bunch of questions without providing insight into your life as well. Share your interests, goals, likes, dislikes, etc. – your prison pen-pal(s) will want to learn about you too. Understand that any open and positive communication that a prison pen-pal receives can remove barriers, help with their mental health, boost their morale, and preserve their sanity.
#7 – Be Patient for Your First Reply:
It can take prisoners days to receive letters. Once your letter makes it to the facility each mailroom has its own proceeded for checking and delivering mail amongst their incarcerated population. Trust and believe, prisoners are often very happy to receive mail and just as eager to respond back. So, if you don’t have a response back right away don’t panic … this doesn’t mean they don’t want to talk to you.
#8 – Handwritten Letters or Emails:
As briefly mentioned already, there are other avenues of communication than just letters – aka “Snail Mail”: Emails! Prisoners can send/receive emails straight to their tablets 24hrs a day through their institutional email provider. Providers vary depending on the state a prisoner is in and whether there prisoner is incarcerated in a federal or state facility.
Corrlinks: This email provider is for those in federal prisons.
Jpay, Securus and GTL: These providers are for those in state facilities.
Ask your prison pen-pal(s) for their institutional email provider if it’s not already available on his or her prison pen-pal ad. Also, send a reply stamp when you initially reach out just in case they don’t have one to reply back with!
#10 – Be a Good Friend:
You can make a significant impact on your prison pen-pal(s) daily life, rehabilitation process, and incarcerated journey. Your correspondence can provide them with reasons to hope and a new sense of belonging and acceptance. Prisoners with contacts in the outside world are less likely to reoffend and have greater chances for successful rehabilitation and reintegration back into society. Prisoners are people too, and engaging in prison correspondence is way to support human connection.
Food for Thought:
Interacting with a prison pen-pal can bring about social awareness when you share your experiences with others. It is a good way to spread knowledge, understanding, and perspective. However, the main goal of becoming a pen-pal should always be to develop a new and honest friendship. So, I challenge you to reach out to a prisoner rather than give in to your prejudices. No matter if you correspond daily, weekly, or monthly the profound difference you’ll make in their daily life is indescribable. What’s more is the differences you may experience as well.
* The beliefs, opinions, values, and perspectives expressed/shared by our guests, interviewees, and guest bloggers are indeed their own and not that of PrisonBaes LLC.
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