HAPPY NEW YEAR!
Sorry for the delay. It’s your story journey blogger here with another story. Forgive me for my absence, writing is one of the hardest things to do when your mind is not focused. Before I get into this story let me first encourage those who might read this that it’s okay to feel human. As human beings we are powerless in a lot of areas pertaining to our lives, but one thing we can control is our thinking. Only you can set your limits and only you can overcome your limits.
Personal transformation requires constant examination of the mental programming and belief systems that have been accepted from the world. We must closely question, scrutinize, and disassemble each and every thought to make sure that our thinking will give birth to the type of life and success that we desire. Those who seek high achievement must become detectives of the mind. Success requires investigating the darkest corners of one’s own thinking for any held beliefs that might rob one’s greatness. In part learn to thrive in the mist of chaos. I hope this story encourages those who read it.
MANIFESTATION: A Mind on a Journey of Self
It was another hot sunny day in the Pacific Northwest and maybe a promising new year. But instead of being out and enjoying myself with friends and a house full of beautiful women, I had to resolve the present issues that came into conflict with my life. The last place in the world that I wanted to be, was locked in some backroom in the Seattle Underground with two incompetent individual personalities.
Sitting at a table in the small room where this meeting was to take place sat two sadly displaced men opposite of me on either side. One was my enemy. The other was my reality. The man sitting to my left was Doulos, he wore an all-black hoodie with white letters across the chest that spelled out the word “self”. Black dickie pants, and black and white Nikes. The other man sitting to my right was Hebel, he was the only one in the room who was overly dressed. Hebel’s attire reflected his personality to the tee. Wearing an orange and brown Gucci button up shirt, brown Rebel slacks, and orange Prada boots with brown graffiti flakes. Not to mention the ridiculous amount of jewelry he had on.
“Fellas, I’ve called this meeting because each of us are living greedily beyond our means and the fact that we all want the same thing. We are eagerly willing to cross one another’s boundaries to get what we want. So, I came up with up with a solution. Either we can settle our differences like men with mutual respect, or we can result to finality.” I said as I pulled out a gun and placed it in the middle of the table.
Each man shifted uncomfortably in their chairs as they glared at the gun. It rested exactly equal distance from each of us, the custom pistol grip handle had an image of an open book on it with the word “judgment” printed across it. Hebel looked at the gun disinterestedly. It was very clear that he was nervous and apprehensive, but to my surprise he kept a tight controlled look on his face. Doulos on the other hand showed no emotion, his face was a mask as he cocked his eyebrow then smiled.
“What do you expect to accomplish with this gun?” Doulos asked in a cold manner. “Do you intend to instill fear? Because in my line of work I’ve seen, handled, and been on the receiving end of many like this one.” “So, its correct to say that your presentation is wasted on the ungrateful.” Hebel laughed. “Except what we intend to do with it of course,” I replied smiling. “So, why don’t we get started.” “How long is this gonna take?” Doulos whined. “I don’t plan to compromise or agree to any terms that any of you present.” Hebel added.
Shaking my head I began “I remember the exact time and day I accidentally stumbled into each of your territories. I had just turned thirteen and my naive curiosity caused me to become a victim to madness, afflicted by a series of unforeseen and life changing events. The scope of these events was brought on by the social construction of my reality and my understanding of this reality. One of these events was the unfair treatment from my mom and sisters who chose to mock me and isolate me because of my lack of knowledge dealing with my sexual desires toward the opposite sex and my addiction to pornography. Leading me to look towards my peers to educate me in how I was to deal with these new feelings. In exchange for this youthful knowledge, I was ultimately victimized by my best friend’s mom. The second event was the terminal effects from the outcome of my relationship with my father. How his bellicose abusive nature turned me into a victimizer instead of a victim. The third event was the common ideology that young men had to be tough, so I fought my peers daily with the mindset of being the predator and never a prey. Among these events were the protracted and miserable fits of insomnia, accompanied by uncontrollable depression, loss of appetite, and a severe case of borderline schizophrenia. Overtime, I trained my mind to believe I was this despicable monster, this undesirable plague. Because of the things I allowed into my life which in turn caused the ones that I loved to walk out of my life. Don’t get me wrong, I am truly the blame and at fault of my own volition and I do not hold these people accountable for my actions. After all, I did make my own choices rather influenced or not.”
“Touching,” Hebel interrupted. “Real touching.”
I looked at Hebel with a hard stare, then continued. “I harbor no ill will towards my mother, bless her heart and may she remain the spine of my back. She couldn’t be there at all times because she was working. Imparting her blood, sweat, and tears to provide for our broken family. She always made herself available to know what was going on in my evolving life. But the seed had already been planted and watered and was now starting to grow.”
*To be continued*
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