On a March 21st morning, fan whirring, watching the Dungeons and Dragons movie I’ve decided to write my first blog, here. I’ve experienced a lot over the course of 10 years and it’s been difficult to pic just one topic. It seems only right that I give my take on prison relationships.
As uncanny as it may be to go dumpster diving for gold, it’s very rare but very possible to find a real treasure. Ever seen the show called America Pickers? I know that’s a harsh metaphor for prison and the prisoners inside lol but this is very true. Whomever you may be reading this blog, I believe it’s best you pay very close attention.
Just like anyone in the free world, of those of us on the inside many have had very similar experiences as you do. We’ve experienced wins, losses, families, had jobs, cars, apartments, homes etcetera. You get the point. But most commonly, we have all experienced the difficult portions of life where you’ve had some form of heartbreak or another and it’s shaped you into the person you are today. Under normal circumstances, body language and physicality helps with the process of connection when 2 people who meet and have chemistry. Thereafter the healing each individual needs in order to grow closer follows. On the other hand, until a visitor’s application is approved, connecting requires a delicate ballet of small talk, deep communication, flirtation, walking on eggshells, patience and consideration. Lol don’t get me wrong! This is a requirement of both parties choosing to build a relationship from prison.
Furthermore, as connection deepens old wounds arrive and opportunities to gain trust present themselves. That’s IF both parties are emotionally intelligent enough (and emotionally mature enough) to recognize these vulnerable moments for what they are: A gift and a plea for understanding, acceptance, and intimacy. In a very few cases, 2 people find themselves in the right place at the right time at the right moment of their life’s growth. Bridges are created and ties to the community develop as the bond grows.
In the majority cases, broken women come across broken men or broken women find healed men and vice versa, and the link is immediately tested by turbulence. In the midst of trying to fill a void or bandaid old wounds, longing promises are made that are rarely kept. Furthering the damage and stymieing the growth potential of each individual.
For the men who see these breaks as opportunities to reflect, grow and adjust their approach, they take accountability for the possible reasons the relationship failed without feeling like a failure themselves. With responsibility, a very healthy perspective ensues. For the men who see these breaks as rejection, to some degree psychological trauma becomes imprinted on their subconscious when they know they want a genuine connection but few if ever is their true value recognised. A negative perspective ensues and then a person becomes gun-shy, self-esteem is dwindled, and social skills are skewed.
I don’t share these things to convince you one person has more value than the other. I share these things to highlight the dice roll both the incarcerated and the free person takes when choosing to relationship. There is the true rarity of a lasting connection that IS very possible. I share these things to highlight the true choice to be patient and committed to a person who is incarcerated but also his choice to be committed to You.
We all carry our life’s baggage with us in some form or another. For those of us inside here it’s our temporary residence that shows the world our baggage. For those out there it’s the story you share in order to help people understand where you’re coming from.
Imagine the pain and strife you may feel when all you’ve experienced is loss and abandonment and alienation from loved ones. People taking advantage of you and taking you for granted altogether. When these experiences are compounded they can either amplify or diminish a persons ability to cope, develop love, and immense trust for the human experience altogether.
For both the incarcerated and the free.. it is ….The difference between trash and treasure…
To go dumpster diving for gold is not the most conventional way of getting rich but people have attained fulfilment in more unnatural or unpopular ways than one.
Are you willing to get your hands dirty??
Written by: Christopher Watts DOC#383677
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