I want to share my experiences about marriage in prison. I’ll start this by saying due to my past I would not be considered the best guy to take marriage advice from. In my own defense I will say, due to my past, marriage is something I take more seriously than most because it was never my first inclination. For me to arrive at marriage, it had to be real to me or else it would never take place in my lifetime. Marriage while incarcerated is an even more challenging experience. The way I entered marriage was with a perception that I lead with honesty therefore my partner knows what they are signing up for. I practiced this for years although I was met with deception from day one of the relationship. I believe that my partner believed they would judged had they been honest about who they were and what their life was when we began. In retrospect, this was untruth. I came from a lifestyle where everything was laid on the table to prevent unnecessary argument, confusion and issues from transpiring. This clarity is what we thrived off because if you know who I am and what I want you can easily decide if its a no for you or not.
So I entered a committed relationship giving this human being a fair chance to show me who they were. While I wont continue to spend time on this portion, I will say finding that mutual respect of transparency between one another can create a lasting bond built on trust no matter the challenges that WILL come. Prison marriage also revealed to me that financial strain for many, becomes a situation it normally would not on the outside. Roles many times become reversed in the household. The burden of taking care of the mass of responsibility becomes something your partner has to assume on top of their already difficult task of being a nurturer and provider in their own right. While I don’t know exactly the strain this may have been in my situation, I’m sure one existed. Communication is gold no matter the location. In fact communication can be used to have a clear understanding between two parties even from the other side of the world. We see countries make agreements and come to understandings of peace and business all the time. So to say between two married human beings that communication is any less important is falsehood. Listening and understanding your partner is a major thing. Even understanding their silence.
While many of us aren’t mind readers if we grow to understand our partners, we will know when something is wrong. I prefer to be told, but that luxury isn’t always afforded. In marriage I bought tokens of my appreciation on birthdays, Christmases and at random. I used my gifts to draw tons of portraits and cards. I feel like in every way I possibly could, I showed my appreciation. marriage is a challenge I gave my all to making it through but for me, it was not the answer, YET. Though I’m hopeful to remarry as I realize I was a good partner and will not let a failure dictate my future. The miles our partner drive and fly to see us can excite and depress. Us not being present in the household can be rough. The nights and days with us not present can make it hard for a partner that needs physical touch and consistent intimacy. Phone calls and video chats help a marriage. While a married couple in my state can have 48 hours a month together in a single family home on the prison property, this is an amazing quality for us as a collective but its still only 48 hours of unguarded intimacy and quality time to speak, cook, shower and make love the way we would at home. We get several days a week in a pretty cool visiting room with game systems and a ton of vending machines. There you can share a space and bond. there’s many upside and challenges so I will say if its worth it, its worth it. Love technically has no boundaries.
* The beliefs, opinions, values, and perspectives expressed/shared by our guests, interviewee’s, and guest blogger’s are indeed their own and not that of PrisonBaes LLC, their affiliates, and employees.
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