Since I’ve been incarcerated, the only one thing I ever wished for was to be in my children’s lives. I been down for over a decade now. I have not spoken or heard from neither of my kids. The reality of coming to prison is that we are nonexistent in peoples lives. Especially to those we hurt or impacted in a drastic way. The quotes, “out of sight out of mind” is a concept that I had to accept. The realization of me maybe not ever connecting with my kids was a heavy burden on myself. But, I gave my all and heart to GOD. The universe will answer my prayers. That was something that only gave me “hope” in my misery. I know that I made the decision to be in this circumstance. My loved ones are NOT to blame for my absence. I blame myself everyday for not being there for them.
With that being said, there is hope for people in prison after all. Only if we continue to walk in our positive journey and believe. I continue to pray and pray and practice integrity. My prayers were answered when my daughters mother messaged me on securus. She told me that she wanted to speak with me. Here it is, 18 years later my daughter reached out to me. A lot of time has passed. She is a grown person now. How do I approach the situation?? Well the best way I can. I have to remind myself that I wasn’t there for her. So, I can’t impose on her life. Or even try to act like her father. I don’t expect forgiveness and I will never ask of it. I can only be there for her no matter what. I can only answer questions. I can support her and give her love. I can only make her smile and comfort.
I have been connecting with my daughter. I still I have not spoken with my son yet. Although, I continue to pray that he reaches out to me as well. Only time will tell, right?? I focus on what matters most in my life. Catching up on all the times I’ve missed out between my daughter and I. I have to admit that this is the most joy I’ve ever felt in a long time. I’ve experienced a lot of heartache and pain. But, I’ve been able to compartmentalize those aspects of my trauma. This was one event that I’ve yearned for years and it came true. I believe that if people just be patient and depend on the laws of attraction, then it will only get better.
I say this as a testament of what can really happen if we just let nature take its course. Yes, at one point of time I lost hope. Darkness consumed me. I would soak in my sorrow. I wouldn’t even trust the actuality of myself becoming a changed man. But, I refused to allow that to manifest within my heart and soul. I take this page in my book and rewrite my story. I want all of us to ignore all rhetoric about prisoners not becoming rehabilitated. Or even have any empathy. We are humans and normal people as well. We can have a semi-normal life within these walls. Meaning, be a major part our kids lives is real. I vow to my kids that if given the chance I will right all my wrongs. I know that its kind of hard to believe. I am NOT the same man.
To all my readers, if you have the opportunity to reconnect with your children or family. Jump on that chance because it won’t come again. I know from my own experiences. The fact is, we only have one life to live. We only are afforded the kids GOD give us. We need to take advantage of the love and affection they give us. We have to always do right by them. Which means, we always have to be there for them through thick and thin. Tomorrow isn’t promised!! I hope that I was able to give some insight for those who may need it. Thanks.
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If you are curious about my work. You can find me on the International Examiner. Check out the advocacy work I do.
Francisco Sao
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