Relationships

This is for me to give insight into a long distance relationship while incarcerated. You see a lot of us either attempt to put ourselves on Pen-Pal sites in hopes of meeting ah REAL ONE!! Someone who is understanding and not judgemental and Enjoys Emails and Phone calls, then there is some of us who have past friends or girlfriends that suddenly reach out and come back into our lives and we get a second chance to fix past events through creating new foundations of Friendship then Emotional/physical romantic relationships. Not every women or sibling or whoever it may be are built to do time with us men, what I mean by that is that when you are in a constant relationship and support role for one of us in here…slowly but surely you also are doing prison time.

In prison we have to learn patience and lack of control, especially when we are men who like to be in control of certain things, we can only control what’s in our control, Same thing goes for our loved ones outside of these prison-walls. They have to have patience and understanding that we can’t always call when they want, or our Securus Emails may not get to them like a cellphone instant text message and that creates wedges because it may look like we are not being attentive when we are doing our best to be. Then there is the part to where we know we can ask for help with certain things from our loved ones but pride gets in our way or we get paranoid that it may push the person away and they may decide this is not something they want to do any longer. “It Happens!! that’s Facts”!!

You have to understand that every time our girl or our sibling or friend comes to visit us we are bound by strict rules preventing us from public affection, I’m talking about giving a sister or father or mother or son or daughter too long of a hug at the start of a visit, They don’t see us for years or months and we only get to have physical contact for a quick 5 seconds then we are told to separate. It’s especially hard for the guys in here and women out there who are trying to hold the house down at home and still grinding too hold there man down in here. Our Girlfriends or wife’s don’t get to see us at the most, but once or twice a week and once again our initial embrace is for 5 seconds. So I get to kiss my woman for a brief couple seconds when I know that we both miss each other so much that we really just want to melt into each others arms and Let the world simply fade away around us when we close our eyes to passionately kiss there longing lips after such a deprived period without physical touch and intimate time.

These women are imprisoned by staying merely faithful and have to wait for us to call them or email them.. Only the STRONG endure such a commitment to a man behind bars..An (WE ALL THANK U !!), Its not easy but if your a Ryder then Ride with your man, this journey is NOT for the faint of heart!! Our women and our family can’t eat off the same plate or share food, or do certain things together, its ridiculous! Listen, I remember the first time my girlfriend came to see me at Stafford Creek she had a cute outfit picked out and it was appropriate for sure and when she got here they told her she could not wear her Hoodie sweater and so she had to go to Walmart to buy another sweater and the second time she came she had on white skintight Nike sweats and Red/white Jordan’s and Red Nike shirt..Yo!..they told her the shirt was to BRIGHT RED!! DOC visit staff literally treated her like she was some Gang member and made her wear a Maroon sweater. See the thing is ,she was not tripping, she was just excited to see her man..Me! ..An had just drove (3 and 1/2 Hrs) from O.R state to kick it with her boyfriend for 6 to 8 hrs,That’s dedication..that’s LOVE!! She could of after the first visit and having to come out of her wallet to buy ah new (Mr.Rogers) looking sweater,said..”you know what F**k this!! I don’t have to deal with this”,But NO…instead she followed the rules set forth and still does and she gets told what she can and can’t wear,Do and can’t do, Kiss and hug me only for 5seconds at start of visit and end of visit..Do you see how she is imprisoned temporarily just to see me from across a table?! It sucks and it is something not every person, once again is built for.

Their are guys in here that grew up with abandonment issues,and in toxic environments and when we try to call our loved ones and they don’t answer the 3 times we call some of us began to think the worst and we future trip, Especially when in committed relationships we tend to either push our partner away by sending emails that are passive aggressive or mean or needy and its not who we normally are but because we can’t reach them we began to feel like their pulling away and so we either fall back or we trample forward suffocating them till they do decide to leave.

Guys in here don’t understand that our people outside of here’s lives carry on at a fast pace once they leave that visit room or after that last few days ago phone call, and we get in our heads, forgive us, ladies, because like Jesus Christ said at Calvary on the cross…”Forgive them Father for they do not know what they do” So take out the “Father” part and you know what I am saying. I know this, our women sometimes go a bit crazy when they don’t hear from us, you gotta understand that when a woman has a bad day out there and needs to be comforted or needs someone to vent to, she has to wait and pray and hope that day their man will call them from prison. Do you know how hard that is, for someone to have no intimate physical contact unless they are married in here and getting EFVs, its torturing? We have to have such huge trust because we can’t be a fly on the wall to see what each other is doing, you have to have faith and trust, If you start fighting in here I have heard guys say the meanest stuff and still the women sticks by the man’s side..Sometimes I don’t get it..plus the $ For phone time and commissary. Some women are just amazing and True Blessings!!

* The beliefs, opinions, values, and perspectives expressed/shared by our guests, interviewee’s, and guest blogger’s are indeed their own and not that of PrisonBaes LLC, their affiliates, and employees

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