I was too ashamed to ask for help because I thought I could handle things myself. It’s funny how the mind of a teenager when not kept in check will convince itself that they are adults and well equip to handle the world and its many problems. Only to become the problem and never the solution. My heart goes out to my sisters, my black queens, and the precious jewels of my youth. Who now hate me with pleasurable distaste. Who like me were immature and naive as I at the time to the hooks and talons of life. Learning the same way I was learning, there was no possible way they could have understood or known the things I’ve put myself through at a young age. Nor did I expected them to understand what it was like to be the only masculine image in a household of feminine insurgents. Nor could they comprehend the weight of being the male figure for them at a young age when I had no sincere male influence. I never asked or wanted to be a pariah in my own family, it just happened.”
“I grew up without my father and I came out of it just fine. Look at me, I got the best cars, the finest clothes that money can buy, many houses, women, and lots of money. I have the whole world I don’t need anything else.” Hebel interrupted.
I paid Hebel no mind and continued with my story. “I refuse to carry any negative energy towards my father, who as a kid I once looked up to as a superhero. He was my idol, the monument of what I thought a man was suppose to be. I blame him not for disrespecting my mother in front of me, I forgive him for treating me like trash, like I meant nothing to him. Who thought it was appropriate to isolate me from my entire family. The same man who offered no advice to better my life, no guidance, but saw fit to present his love for me by using me as a punching bag for physical and verbal abuse. What had I done to deserve such hatred filled love? Was it because I look like my mother? Was my overwhelmingly adolescent behavior so offensive? Had he not been a teenager himself? Why didn’t he help me? Why didn’t he fight for me? Why didn’t anyone fight for me?”
“Oh no, we might see some water works!” Hebel laughed at my expense.
I shot him another hard stare as I reached for the gun, which caused him to flinch immediately. “Okay, I’ll keep my comments to myself you don’t have to get testy. But you really need to get to the point.”
For the third time I continued. “Now, there was no need for anyone to fight for me because I started fighting for myself. I would choose never to be a victim again, instead I would be the one dishing out the pain. In the secret recesses of my mind I became filled with the voices of darkness, but in my mind’s eye the voices were that of a helping hand, true understanding, and acceptance. As my thoughts were slowly overwhelmed by the rapid building of a reality that I created from high tension, desperation, and my aggressive mental stimulation. Even the most reasonable advice had no effect on me other than to cause me to withdraw even more from those that love me. I went through life with a calloused heart as I harbored every emotion, every negative feeling, every traumatic experience, every sadistic thought, and every single face tied to those attachments. I remembered performing roles in life with different masks, trading one hurt for another until I mastered the art of deception. To my knowledge no one could see past a bright smile, nor could anyone perceive the dark intent behind the appearance of mirror eyes.”
“Are you going to sit here and talk about your sad sob story all night or are we going to get to the meat of this situation?” Doulos asked irritated.
“As I was saying before I was rudely interrupted again. Each of us has played a role in this situation whether good or bad. We have to admit that we were wrong, careless, and irresponsible.” I replied getting to my feet.
“I have nothing to admit! Fool!” Hebel shouted. Even though we grew up together, I am not the blame for whatever happened in your life or in the confines of your small reality. Everything that happened, happened because you and only you allowed it. I was there! It fuelled your ego, your curiosity, your ideas, and your sense of mortality.”
“I see, someone is very excited,” Doulos said pointing at Hebel. “As much as I hate Hebel, I have to agree with him. Whatever you are feeling is lost on me, I am what I am and what I’m not I’ll never be. What was started in me will end the same way, no ifs, ands, or buts about it. I’ve known you for quite some time and the only thing I hear is your resounding guilt for what you have become or failed to become. If you ask me, sounds like a bunch of excuses to me. You had the same opportunities as everyone else to make something positive out of your life, but no, you chose destruction! You chose to gangbang, you chose conflict, you chose to hurt people, you chose this life! Now you’re sitting here pushing off your guilt on us to absolve your responsibility for your own immature social development, as you stated.”
I couldn’t respond because Doulos was right. Even though I knew he was right I grabbed the gun anyway and pointed it at him. But it didn’t even phase Doulos, the only thing that it did do was make him dig the spike even deeper. “Indeed, you say you’re sorry but deep down you don’t mean it and you never will. You ask for forgiveness but condemn those who have wronged you to death. You think we didn’t know about your best friend Keiji, Jonathan, Niles, Randle. Just to name a few. You of all people Isaac, put on these masks of elaborate faces and personalities, but you’re black as night. I’m not sure that you even know who you are. Your eyes gleam true sincerity but the windows to your soul are foggy and marred. Your smile says you are one who embraces love but your tongue is tainted with sedition and hate. You parade yourself in humility but every coin has two sides.
You say you’re heads but when your coin is flipped its your ass we see. So who are you to judge us? Who are you to look down on us for what we do? Is not the pot calling the kettle black?” Doulos growled.
“Indeed, man is judged by their actions not their intentions,” I replied with a smile. “Now shall we get to the meat of this situation?”
It was Hebel turn to add his two cents. “Why do you even care to change what’s been done? Because I grow tired of this lame story telling session,” Hebel said standing up. “Either we get down to business, or I’m outta here!”
“If you want to leave be my guest, the door is right over there.” I replied calmly.
Hebel got up and went to the door. Upon grabbing the door knob an unnatural scream left his body as he immediately fell to the floor shaking and holding his head. Within seconds Doulos and I both were leveled by a searing sharp stabbing pain coursing through our skulls. When the pain subsided we all sat back at the table panting. “What the hell was that, Isaac?!” Doulos yelled. “You set us up, you trapped us in this room. Who else is working with you?” Hebel asked in anger.
I shook my head as I smiled. “I was telling you what was going on but you wanted to learn the hard way.”
“How was telling us a story letting us know that we’re trapped in this room?” Doulos said getting into my face.
“Sit down and hear me out, or would you like another round of that last shot?” I replied smiling.
Hebel and Doulos looked at me for a second not sure of what to do, but then immediately chose to hear me out.
“Now, as I was saying. I never saw this thing coming, each of us have our own problems. So, know this ain’t personal, whichever way this ordeal turns out. It will happen as it should be.”
“Before we get into anything, how is it that we are the only ones locked in this room?” Doulos asked.
“Why don’t you just zip it so Isaac can explain what’s going on you biped feminine weasel!” Hebel demanded.
“You know what? You gotta tough mouth for a self proclaimed street thug whose street credentials consist of a long list of nursery rhymes, hood books, and M.I.A reports.” Doulos shot back.
“Enough!” I shouted. “I’m sure we all have something in common with one another. Do any of you have a family?”
“Yeah, I got a family,” Doulos replied. “Mom, three sisters , and a daughter.”
“Me too.” Hebel seconded.
“As do I,” I replied. “I’m sure we have more in common than just family, but I’ll start by letting you know what I’ve observed since coming here. Since we’ve been in this room that clock in the corner near the door has been counting down. But what I don’t know is what time it’s keeping because we’ve been in this room for about fifteen minutes. Yet, by its time structure it says we have three minutes left. Next, is the locked door. I noticed the minute we walked into this room and the door closed that we were not leaving this room or at least only one of us were. Lastly, neither one of you mentioned the guy who let us in, and judging by your faces now I was the only one who saw he.”
“Wait a minute, you’re telling me that you noticed all this but you didn’t think to say anything?” Hebel was in utter disbelief.
“I had to be sure.” I replied shrugging my shoulders.
“So, what did this man look like?” Doulos asked.
“It doesn’t matter now, what matters is what he gave me,” I said pointing to the gun. “So whose up for the first spin? Either we pledge our allegiances to change or try your luck with Judgment here.”
Instantly, Hebel snatched up the gun, checked the clip, slid the clip back in, and cock the hammer. “A round for a round one pull of this trigger and this chamber will blow, one flash from the muzzle and the blood will flow.” Hebel sang out loud as he continued to examine the gun.
“Elements are defined by four basic principles. Deontic verdict, evaluative claims, determining grounds, and core normative principles.” I stated.
“What are you talking about?” Hebel asked looking at me funny.
“Ethical theory,” I replied with a smile. “An account of what we are required to do and who we are required to be.”
Doulos charged me, snatching me out of my chair, and slammed me against the wall. “You think this is a game don’t you? If you got anything to do with this, I promise I’ll make you suffer in the worse way possible!”
I just stared at Doulos. “A deontic verdict is a claim about the normative status of an action. One, an action is impermissible if and only if refraining from the action is required. Two, an action is permissible if and only if it is an action that is not impermissible. Three,-”
“What are you even talking about?” Doulos yelled as he punched me.
I was a solid blow to the jaw that would have knocked any other person unconscious, but in me it sparked the response Doulos would have never thought he would encounter.
“Three, an action is required if and only if it is an action that is not optional or it is the uniquely permissible action available. Last, but also one of my favorites, an action is optional if and only if it is permissible to perform or not perform the action.” I stated as I pushed Doulos off of me and wiped my lip. “In any other situation we would have had a long discussion about the use of your hands but it appears we are short on time.”
I pointed to the clock, then to the gun in Hebel’s hand. “There are two live hydro shock rounds and one blank round in that specially made clip. That means there is a 15% chance that one of us will walk out of here alive. The game is ” You or Me”, whoever has the gun must declare either themselves or someone else as the target of their course of action and why. You can only pull the trigger once, violate this rule and the penalty is death. The last man standing walks away free and with a clean slate.”
“Why us?” Doulos asked taking his seat again, looking defeated.
~ To be continued ~
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